raindrops on roses

the days are flying by now as fast as a dandelion disperses in the wind. the tighter i try to hold on to it, the faster time slips away... like grains of sand falling through my fingers. i am leaving india in a week... and it breaks my heart.

5 months ago, i lay on a bed completely foreign to me, in a country that i knew nothing about. i was so scared that i flirted with the idea that maybe i could sleep for a few months until bec got here... so i didn't have to face my fears and the unknown alone.

but i dug deep and found the courage to leave that room and go out into a world that intimidated me... and i discovered a beauty and peace i've never seen before. i learned that smiles are easy and people are loving, if you give them the chance... and life is way more than making money.

it turns out that there is so much beauty in this world that sometimes it takes my breath away... literally.

red and purple flowers fall from the trees while women meticulously sweep them up and wash their driveways. bold, vivid colors splash the streets from saris and butterflies floating in the wind. the smell of jasmine constantly floats through the air, mixing with the spicy scents of curry and rice wafting in through the windows. the rythmic hum of conversations in kanada meld with the street vendors singing about their wares. power outages and rain storms. easy, brilliant indian smiles. sincere joy and happiness radiating from every pore. the calm, almost still pace in a culture of cluttered calamity.

manasa... a little girl riding on the back of her dad's scooter, leaning back and holding tightly to his waist. she soaks up the sun with a huge smile on her face. she is a constant reminder to me of what i'm looking for in life. she smiles endlessly and dances about. she doesn't speak much, but she laughs all the time.

leaving all of this is heartbreaking to me. i have found a home in india. i have found friends and i have found myself. i have learned and grown so much here. i am strong and i am at peace. i'm glad i didn't sleep for 5 months... it's hard to imagine now that i ever wanted to. there are so many things that i will miss about being here, but what i'll miss the most is how india makes me feel about myself... and i give thanks for that.

and now i can go home because i am happy and i am strong... and i know i'll be back.

into the wild

i've been trying to upload videos for weeks now and the indian internet isn't having any of it. either the power goes out randomly (which is about 95% of the time) or the super-slow indian internet connection freezes up and crashes if i try to do anything complex (which includes the complexity of uploading any videos to my blog)... so you'll just have to be satisfied with me simply describing our adventure into nagarhole national forest... and keep in mind that i do have video to actually back my story up this time to prove that i'm not exaggerating... for once.

the trip to nagarhole national forest began with a phone call to the central bus stand... which turned out to be quite the adventure in itself.

the phone rang a couple of times before a man picked up mumbling something that sounded like "hallo", being followed by a string of very fast words spoken in a language that i do not understand.

"hi, um, hello. i was wondering if you could tell me what time the bus leaves for nagarhole national park tomorrow morning?"

the man rattles off another string of very fast kanada... this time, a little faster and a little louder.

"um, hello? is this the central bus stand? what time does the bus leave for nagarhole?"

another mumbling string of words and i hear the phone being shuffled and passed over.

"hallo?"
"hi. yes. what time does the bus leave for nagarhole?"
"eh?"
"nagarhole. what time?"
"nagarhole?"
"nagarhole."
"6:15. 9:30" click.

seeing that this is a normal indian phone call for me, i mistakenly overlook the fact that this should of been a very inauspicious sign for us...

bec and i get to the bus station at 9 am the next morning, still questioning if we will even get close to the national forest. after wandering around aimlessly through a maze of honking city buses with drivers yelling and ticket men trying to convince us to come to bangalore instead, we finally find ourselves on a bus heading to nagarhole.


















side note: according to our guidebooks, we should avoid the crowds and go to the forest during the week instead of the weekend to ensure a spot on the safari that will take us through the forest to view the fascinating wild animals that live there. since this was a monday, which happened to be a day off for us because it was a moon day, we were happy and relaxed not to have to elbow our way into the park.

our guidebooks also gave us some vague directions on how to reach the park from the small town we were to be dropped off in... i figured it would be a perfect little town to have lunch in before we headed into the forest, so i made sure to have a small breakfast as to not ruin the fabulous lunch i had envisioned for us.

alas, you can imagine our surprise when the city bus dropped us off in the middle of the forest instead of in the small town we were expecting. as we get off the bus, the bus driver and the ticket man smile widely and wave as they slam the doors and tear off down the road. bec and i watched the back of the bus until the cloud of dust disappeared.

we slowly turned a full circle to stand facing each other again... i think we realized at the same time that we were the only 2 people in a country of one billion that had decided to go to nagarhole national forest on moon day. we looked at each other in utter silence and i hesitantly shrugged my shoulders and smiled...

and then my stomach growled.

absorbing the silence

almost four months in and i am officially turning indian...

and it's not just because my feet are constantly dry, cracking and dirty... or that my face is the tannest part of my body... or that i have an indian accent and have mastered the ambiguous indian head-wobble... or even that my sweat smells like curry and my sense of timing has slowed to a standstill... or because my days now revolve around my yoga practice and my next meal... and if i do a bucket of laundry AND go to the market, it's a busy day...

it's because i can now sit for hours and just... well... just be. i can be quiet and still and observe the things going on around me and the things that are going on in my head. i can slow the chaos of my mind for just a few seconds and be completely content with the present moment. i can now watch the world and ponder life... believe it or not... in complete silence.

i know most of you are wondering who are you and what the hell have you done with my super-loud and sometimes obnoxious friend... and honestly, i wonder the same thing myself.

i have come to india to try to sort out my head... and i have come to realize that not only is that an impossible task, but that i am learning something far greater than figuring out what's actually going on in my head... i am learning how to listen to the world through my heart.


















bec and i realized that after 5 solid weeks, we finally fell silent. we found that we don't need to communicate verbally all the time anymore... we don't need to be babbling constantly and filling the air with noise. we joke about being telepathic now because we can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking... which usually ends in bouts of laughter and head-nodding.

we recently went to nagarhole national park and sat quietly for hours without even noticing how much time had gone by. we blended in with the indian men that seemed to be a part of the forest... silent and unmoving. a huge wave of peace and contentment washed over me and i finally realized that this is what it truly means to be indian.

i now feel a sense of peace and love radiating from everything around me... and i can only sense it when i allow myself to be silent... so i'm trying to quiet myself every now and again so i can absorb this bubble of internal peace... wow. i think that was the hippiest thing i have ever said.

shine on you crazy diamond

the same day guruji passed from this life, my very best friend in the whole wide world landed in india... i decided to surprise her by taking the late night drive up to bangalore with kumar in an old ambassador.

after whipping through traffic and flying over a bajillion speedbumps, witnessing a few car wrecks and seeing a few dead bodies along the way... i arrived at the airport 4 hours later, cold and jostled, but completely estatic. these were the thoughts that ran through my head as i was waiting for her plane to land...

i should of brushed my teeth before i left. i would strangle a monkey for a piece of gum... i'm freezing my bollocks off. maybe i should of had a hot coffee instead of this iced eskimo... kumar picks his nose a lot, but he's very sweet... it's the only cold day in india and i'm sitting outside the airport in flip flops and a flimsy longsleeve t-shirt. what airport puts the waiting lounge outside the actual airport anyway?... i'm so excited, i could puke... the flight is delayed... just my luck. the universe tests me again...

after what seemed like eons, bec finally walks out of the airport with a huge smile on her face and a shell-shocked look in her eye. she spots the driver, kumar, holding a sign with her name on it, jumping up and down and waving her over. as she walks towards him, i tackle her from the sidelines... and get the biggest hug in the universe.

seeing bec walk out of the airport and into india made me realize how far i've come... in life and across the world... and how badly i've needed her here. i've been needing a good, solid hug for weeks... especially from one of the people who know me best in this world.

we laughed and cried and giggled and sighed the whole entire ride back to mysore... and i haven't shut up since. i even had to force myself to stop talking so she could take a shower.

we have coffee on the balcony at 4:30 am and absorb the quiet beauty of dawn with whispered conversations and cool breezes... a blue hue blankets the streets of gokulam for just a moment. we're awake even before the birds. yoga practice is beyond amazing and we can't wait to get there.

we have band practice in the afternoon... um, yeah... who knew i would ever be in a band... since i don't want to outshine the band, i've decided to take a back seat and be the chai wallah and the t-shirt designer... i make a killer chai these days. i've taken the title of band manager... and i'm pretty good at it. (my bandmates didn't want me to feel left out) becca and our aussie friend tim spend most of the time randomly strumming their guitars... sometimes they learn new songs and natalie the mexican and i pretend we know how to sing. my favorite song so far is "i'll give you a dollar"... we've even made our first music video.

my best friend is finally here. my heart is filled. i feel complete. even though i've been feeling all the heaviness of the world lately, i now feel safe within this light. i feel grateful for my own life, for my own strength, for my own happiness. i know how precious life is, how lucky i am to be where i am and to have all these amazing people around me. i laugh all the time now and get random hugs whenever i need one. india is good... it all is.

beyond the darkness

there will always be light.

from this day on, may 18th will be known around the world as a day of sadness and death... it is the day that the sparkle left guruji's eyes forever...

but when i look at it a little closer and from a different angle, i also see it encompassed in radiant light, love and hope.

sitting in the shala, surrounded by pattabhi jois' family, friends and students, meditating and praying, i realized how incredibly grateful i am... to this man and for my life. this man laying before me on the floor, covered in garlands of flowers and rice, has changed my life forever... and i never even met him before this day.

guruji gave this world a yoga that has healed my body, mind and soul. he has shown me the peace and light that life brings. his energy permeates the shala, the world and my whole being. through this practice, he has taught me that i have the strength and power to heal myself. if this amazing being never existed, i wouldn't be here, in this space, at this time... and for that, i am eternally grateful.

so instead of grieving his death, i will celebrate his life... for no matter how indirectly, he has changed my life and given me strength... and love for myself.

over the rainbow

... is a land called oooooty.

after 2 months of being solely in mysore, i started to feel a bit stagnant and antsy. i needed to get out, even if it was just for a couple of days... so a few of my new-found friends and i decided to venture into the mountains to a city called ooty.

ooty is about a five-hour bus ride through one of india's lush national forests... up, up, up into a british hill station surrounded by a bajillion curves, turns and bends... where a cool breeze and clean air were waiting for me.

the drive up there was exhilarating. we were on a standard indian bus with wide open windows and no shock absorption. i hung my head out the window the whole time like a car-ride-loving dog... though i did manage to keep my tongue in my mouth for the most part.

the time in ooty was uneventful other than the fact that i finally got to see another part of india and my butt didn't sweat for the first time since i've been in this country.

we stayed at the ywca, and i got suckered into sleeping on the concrete floor... of course the story is a bit different depending who you ask, but this is my blog, so we'll go with my version... i woke up very stiff and sore... and vowed the next time i go camping, i'm bringing an air mattress...

instead of trying to fight the indian crowd at the bus station, we decided to get our return bus tickets from the ywca reception desk... now i know when someone offers a smaller bus that will get us home faster, i'll think twice about it and say "um, no".

we were told that the bus would arrive from 3:30 to 4, so being the very punctual virgo that i am, we were there by 3... the bus finally pulled up at 4:30. the "bus" turned out to be a small airport shuttle... "small" being the key word here... i've only been in an airport shuttle for a 20 minute ride to the actual airport, so i had no idea what to expect on an airport shuttle flying down a mountain for 5 hours...

the four of us were the only ones getting onto the bus, so i figured this wouldn't be as bad as i initially thought. we each took a row of seats to ourselves and settled in for the "shorter" ride home.


















the bus drove us into the center of ooty to the main office... apparently, we were picking up more passengers. the director of the expedition made the four of us cram in next to each other while 20 more people squeezed onto the bus. i was sitting as close as i possibly could to my new friend natalie... aka the mexican, but not really a mexican... and my left butt-cheek was still hanging off the seat into the aisle. as my luck would have it, two big-boned indians and their 6-year-old spastic son took up the seats next to me.

the ywca was right about one thing... the bus was faster. i've never seen a vehicle fly so fast down a mountain before. the driver had no awareness of anything else on the road. we almost killed a few pedestrians, took out a few trees and natalie almost lost her head from oncoming traffic. after about 20 minutes of whipping around hairpin curves, the bus pulls over... the 6-year-old has to pee... in moments, he is whisked back onto the bus, the driver slams on the gas and we were off again... most of us suffering from minor whiplash... another 20 minutes later, the bus pulls over again... a woman in the front has to get sick... i wish i could say it was the only time.

after 6 and a half hours of bouncing all over the road, stopping and going at top speeds, dodging speed bumps and potholes and listening to the constant sound of indian ring tones... and i mean constant... we finally pull into mysore, exhausted, but smiling. i've discovered that the journey to the destination is always my favorite part... whether by scooter, rickshaw or bus... and no matter how ridiculous the situation seems to get, it's part of my adventure... and i laugh the whole time.

mischief and mayhem

for the people i had to leave back in the states... i thought you would like to meet the riffraff i've been hanging out with...

for my new friends i found here... if you have not made my list of riffraff... do not think you have escaped... it just means that (a.) you will be featured in a different blog... i gotta keep these things readable, ya know... or (b.) you're still here (or you just left)... and i have plenty of time to make stuff up about you.


















this is my british friend alice (finally shown here)... she taught me how to eat in this country... she was my first friend in india as well as the reason i gained weight in india... i'm sure my mom thanks you girl. she also taught me how to play the "indian game" and how to laugh at myself (even more than i do already)... nice one, yeah?... you should sing a song about that.














these are the canadians... they taught me words like gunt and swass... they tried to show me how to be canadian, but there's no hiding the fact that i'm completely not... they gave me the biggest gift of them all... the cake man. i found joy in them. they gave me a name and reminded me how to be truly happy.














gigi is my new german friend from LA... she is a healer... even though she would never admit it. she has a great laugh and will scare the crap out of any indian... especially the kids. ella, ella!














this is alex... she is also my new german friend, but she actually lives in germany. she taught me how to let go and reminded me that i can heal myself... she showed me that unrestrained laughter is a huge healer and coffee is even more delicious than i ever knew... wow, those are really big glasses!














these are the swedes. they showed me that i should learn a foreign language just so i can mess with people who don't understand the language. mutter something and insert name here... hahaha.














this is david from toronto. we connected as soon as we met. he thinks i'm funnier than i do... i didn't even know that was possible. he's the first to put a stipulation on my couch-surfing north american tour... three days max... always keepin' it real, yo.

i feel so lucky to meet so many fascinating people from all over the world. it's nice to discover that you can connect so deeply with people in such a short amount of time... and find so many who will let me sleep on their couches.